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11:20am 21/02/2005
 
mood: BITCHY
HEY. SAMI FOUND OUT WHAT I DID AND SHE GOT REALLY PISSED OFF... SHE SAID IF I LOVED HER THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE HURT HER.. I DIDN'T DO IT TO HURT HER... I DID IT TO HURT MYSELF. NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO FIND OUT BUT THEY DID SO THEREFORE THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE MUCH OF A FRICKEN PROBLEM WITHIT. OKAY? SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT IT AND ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM!!!!!
 
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02:49pm 17/02/2005
  blind
Your World (Part Three): How do you see your world [girls]

brought to you by Quizilla
group
Your World (Part Two): Your social world [girls]

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quick
Your World (Part One): What is your world made of? [girls]

brought to you by Quizilla
 
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HEY...   
02:04pm 17/02/2005
 
mood: LEAVE ME ALONE...
I'M JUST SITTING HERE IN CLASS AND BEING BORED... I DID SOMETHING THAT NOT MANY PEOPLE WILL APPROVE OF AND I'M TRYING NOT TO LET MANY PEOPLE FIND OUT ABOUT IT JUST YET...
THINGS ARE OKAY, I GUESS. I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT LATELY AND THE THOUGHTS RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD ARE SCARY AT TIMES... I GUESS I JUST NEED TO TAKE SOME TIME OFF FOR MYSELF AND THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT'S BEEN GOING ON AND NOT WORRY ABOUT ANYONE OR ANYTHING ELSE... I THINK THAT'S MY MAIN PROBLEM, I WORRY ABOUT EVERYONE ESLE TOO MUCH AND DON'T GIVE ENOUGH TIME TO DEAL WITH MYSELF. I GUESS THEIR PROBLEMS JUST OCCUPY MY TIME SO MY MIND ISN'T LEFT TO WANDER TOO MUCH. MAYBE IT'S BETTER THAT WAY. IF I'M OCCUPIED THEN I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME. BUT THEN AGAIN.....


"I'M LEFT WONDERING, IS IT REALLY WORTH IT ALL?"
--CREED--
--INSIDE US ALL--
 
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HEY   
02:54pm 15/02/2005
 
mood: HUH?¿?
I'M SITTING IN CLASS AND BEING BORED... A LOT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND LATELY. OKAY, ABOUT THREE MONTHS AGO, I MADE A PROMISE TO ONE OF MY FRIENDS THAT I'D STOP CUTTING. I'VE CUT ONCE OR TWICE SINCE THEN. THE LAST TIME I CUT WAS A LITTLE OVER A MONTH AGO. LATEY I'VE BEEN WANTING TO CUT SO BAD. I HAVE FRIENDS AROUND ME WHO CUT AND KNOWING HOW IT HELPS THEM AND SEEING THE MARKS AND FRESH SCARS JUST WANT TO MAKE ME CUT MORE. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, STAY LOYAL TO A BEST FRIEND, OR CUT AND GET SENT TO REHAB? I'M SO CONFUSED! I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE, I'M SO LOST.

WHILE I'VE BEEN THINKING OF THIS, I'VE BEEN WONDERING IF THERE REALLY IS A GOD UP THERE. IF THERE IS, THEN WHY IS HE PUTTING ME THROUGH SO MUCH HELL? WHY MUST MY LIFE BE SO HORRIBLE, WHILE EVERYONE ELSE'S JUST SEEMS PERFECT? WHY MUST I ENDURE ALL OF THIS PAIN? OR IS THIS A TEST? IS ALL OF OUR LIVES JUST TESTS?


SONG QUOTE: "YOU CAN'T SAVE ME, YOU CAN'T CHANGE MA. I'M WAITING FOR MY WAKE UP CALL, AND EVERYTHING'S MY FAULT."
--UNWRITTEN LAW--
--SAVE ME--
 
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LOOK ABBY!!!!   
02:58pm 14/02/2005
 

LJ Friends Meme by coolerq

• You must tell 13 people about this game.
BRICE is the one that you love.
LARS is one you like but can't work out.
• You care most about ABBY.
SAMI is the one who knows you very well.
ADELE is your lucky star.
SAVE ME is the song that matches with BRICE.
BLVD OF DREAMS is the song for LARS.
IM NOT OKAY is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.
• and AMERICAN IDIOT is the song telling you how you feel about life
Take this quiz
 
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HEY   
02:44pm 14/02/2005
 
mood: crappy
NOTHING RELAAY HAS BEEN GOING ON, NOT MUCH TIME TO WRITE WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON.. GOTTA GO
 
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02:39pm 10/02/2005
 
What Icon Are You?... by AngryAsHell
Name
Age
Gender
Favorite Color
Your Music Icon
Your Love Icon
You Life Icon
Quiz created with MemeGen!
 
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02:20pm 10/02/2005
 
Your Icon is..... by d3athofs3asons
Your Name
Your Age
Your B-day
Your Icon Is....
Quiz created with MemeGen!
 
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LOOK ASHLEY!!!   
02:15pm 10/02/2005
 
Your Manditory Warning Label... by ambydarlin
Username
Title
Height
Weight
What Warning Sign Are You Required to Wear?Danger: Hard hat area
Why?You are trying to fit in with these 'humans'...
Who apoxies it to your forehead for you...ash092387
Your Level of Danger To the Public: 67%
Quiz created with MemeGen!
 
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MY SUICIDE   
02:03pm 10/02/2005
 
Your Suicide.. by Konstantine
Your Name/Username
Favorite Number?
Favorite Color?
Gender?
How will you commit suicide?You will drown yourself
How many tries will it take?92
When will you commit suicide?August 2, 2008
What will your suicide note say?"Mother, Father .. where did we go wrong?"
Quiz created with MemeGen!
 
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A PERFECT DESCRIPTION   
01:59pm 10/02/2005
 
Which LJ icon is for you? by drumming_kitty
User name:
Age:
Favorite Color:
Favorite Random Word:
Your icon is:
Quiz created with MemeGen!
 
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HEY   
01:45pm 10/02/2005
 
mood: HELP!
HEY ... I WROTE EARLIER BUT I DIDN'T HAVE MUCH TIME, OR PATIENCE FOR THAT MATTER...

MY BIRTHDAY WENT SURPRISINGLY WELL (FEB.8) MY BEST FRIENDS AND MY MOM THREW ME A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY. IT WAS COOL. I FEEL SO LOVED!!! NOT REALLY... I FEEL LOVED BUT I ALSO FEEL LIKE SOMETHING IS MISSING IN MY LIFE.. LIKE A HOLE OR SOMETHING. IT'S BEEN ONE MONTH AND EIGHT DAYS SINCE THE LAST TIME I CUT AND IT'S BEEN HARD. ONE OF MY FRIENDS RECENTLY CUT AND I FEEL SO MANY EMOTIONS. I'M MAD, BUT MORE HURT. I UNDERSTAND AND ALL, BUT I WISH THERE WOULD'VE BEEN SOMETHING I COULD'VE DONE TO HELP. I MEAN, IN MY EYES, IT'S OKAY FOR ME TO CUT BUT NOT OTHER PEOPLE. I'M JUST LOST. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT MY FRIEND. SHOULD I BE MAD?¿?
WELL, GOTTA GO.

SONG QUOTE "YOU CAN'T SAVE ME, YOU CAN'T CHANGE ME. I'M WAITING FOR MY WAKE-UP CALL, EVERYTHING'S MY FAULT"
--UNWRITTEN LAW--
--SAVE ME--
 
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11:21am 10/02/2005
 
mood: DRAMA
EVERYTHING WENT OKAY, I GUESS... THEY ARE ON SPEAKING TERMS WITH ME SO I GUESS IT COULD BE WORSE. SO MUCH SHIT IS GOING ON WITH FRIENDS AND THEIR ENEMIES (WHICH HAPPEN TO BE MINE TOO...) WELL THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT! I GOTTA GO
 
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HEY   
11:31am 03/02/2005
 
mood: FREAK ON A LEASH
I'M SITTING IN THE LIBRARY AGAIN BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I CAN FACR THE REST OF THE WORLD... REMEMBER ONE OF MY PREVIOUS ENTRIES WHERE I SAID I WAS MOLESTED? WELL, HERE'S THE DEAL. IT WAS DONE BY MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER. WHAT'S EVEN WORSE, THEY'RE TELLING MY LITTLE BROTHERS TINIGHT AND I HAVE TO BE THERE. I'M SO SCARED OF HOW THEY'RE GONNA THINK OF ME. I'M WORRIED ABOUT THEM NOT TALKING TO ME EVER AGAIN. EVERYONE SAYS IT'S FOR THE BEST, BUT I'M NOT SO SURE IF THEY ARE RIGHT. ONCE THEY KNOW, THERE'S NO TURNING BACK. IT'LL BE DONE FOR GOOD. I AND THEM WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES. I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO GET THROUGH IT. I'M SO SCARED.AM I RIGHT FOR BEING SCARED? IS WHAT THEY'RE DOING RIGHT?I NEED HELP!! I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN MAKE IT.
BTW, I PROBALLY WON'T BE ABLE TO WRITE FOR A WEEK... LONG STORY..


GOTTA GO, NO SONG QUOTE.
 
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BEAR   
03:00pm 01/02/2005
  Nihilist Bear
Nihilist Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
 
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HEY   
02:54pm 01/02/2005
 
mood: BRRR
IF ANYONE IS READING THIS AND KNOWS HOW TO GET A PICTURE RIGHT HERE, PLEASE TELL ME!!!
I NEED HELP !!!LOL
 
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HEY ALL YOU ... PEOPLE   
01:56pm 01/02/2005
 
mood: <--THE TRUE ME!!!
HEY. ANOTHER DAY, BUT I'M A DOLLAR SHORT SO I GUESS THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT TOO WELL. SO MUCH DRAMA HAS HAPPENED TODAY. MY EX-BOYFRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND KINDA GOT INTO IT WITH MOST OF MY FRIENDS. I KINDA FEEL RESPONSIBLE BECAUSE IF I WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN EXPELLED, THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE BROKEN UP THEN THEY WOULDN'T HAVE GONE OUT AND MY FRIENDS WOULDN'T HAVE HAD A RESON TO NOT LIKE HER. (CAUGHT THAT ?) BUT THEN AGAIN, IT'S NOT MY FAULT SHE'S A B_I_T_C_H ! (YEAH, I SAID IT, I HOPE SHE READS IT TOO!!)
ME AND SAM ARE WORKING THINGS OUT, HOPEFULLY WE CAN BE FRIENDS LIKE WE USED TO BEFORE I GOT EXPELLED. (OR MAYBE I'M JUST WISHING ON A STAR. HOPEFULLY NOT.) A LOT HAS HAPPENED, AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT, BUT I'M TRYING TO MAKE IT ALL BETTER. I SEEM TO HAVE LESS ENEMIES, BUT AFTER TODAY I'M NOT SURE THAT'S TRUE...
LINZ AND DULC ARE MY FRIENDS AGAIN. THANKFULLY. ((I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!))
I ALSO WANT TO TELL SAM THX, IF SHE'S READING, FOR GIVING ME A SECOND CHANCE AND STAYING BY ME THROUGH ALL OF THIS. I LOVE YOU GIRL!


SONG QUOTE: "OUR SCARS REMIND US THAT THE PAST IS REAL"
--PAPA ROACH--
--SCARS--
 
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hey   
12:08pm 31/01/2005
 
mood: TOO MANY PEOPLE AROUND
I'M SITTING IN THE SCHOOL LIBRARY CUZ IT'S TOO DAMN COLD TO GO OUTSIDE...
MY FRIEND IS WITH ME, BUT I HAVE TO CONCEAL HER IDENTITY B/C OF HER PHYSCO BOYFRIEND... HE'S A NUT CASE...


I JUST RE READ MY LAST ENTRY AND I WANT TO APOLOGIZE CUZ I WENT A LITTLE OVERBOARD.....


WELL, THERE ARE TOO MANY EYES SO I GOTTA GO. . .


SONG QUOTE: "I DON'T WANNA WASTE MY TIME, BECOME ANOTHER CASUALITY OF SOCITEY. I'LL NEVER FALL IN LINE, BECOME ANOTHER VICTIM OF YOUR CONFORMITY"
 
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SLIPPING SLOWLY INTO NOTHING   
09:29pm 29/01/2005
 
mood: COPING...
HERE I AM AGAIN, I'VE BEEN RELIEVED OF THE KIDS, SO I HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF PEACE. FOR NOW. LIKE I WAS SAYING BEFORE, I HAVE BEEN CUTTING FOR ALMSOT FOUR YEARS NOW AND IT'S BECOME AN ADDICTION. THE LONGEST I'VE GONE IS NINE MONTHS WITHOUT CUTTING. THAT WAS ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE. I'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH IN MY LIFE THAT CUTTING IS COME TO BE MY ONLY RELEASE. THAT'S PATHETIC, BUT TRUE. I MEAN, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU HAD BEEN MOLESTED FOR THREE YEARS BEFORE ANYONE FOUND OUT? I'VE COME TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE I'M GOING TO BE SCARRED, AND THERE'S NOTHING ANYBODY CAN DO ABOUT IT. NO AMOUNT OF HELP WILL EVER COME CLOSE TO MAKING ME OKAY. I'M LOST FOREVER IN A SEA OF NOTHINGNESS, WITH NO ONE TO SAVE ME. I'M IN THE FRICKEN BERMUTA TRIANGLE!!!!! MY FRIENDS ALL THINK I'M OKAY...(THAT'S WHAT THEY GET FOR THINKING) AND I ACT LIKE I AM BUT DEEP DOWN INSIDE I'M LOST. I ACT LIKE I'M OKAY BECAUSE I KNOW IF I ADMITTED HALF THE SHIT IN MY HEAD I'D BE SENT TO CROSSROADS (THE LOCAL MENTAL INSTITUTION) AND I' BE WORSE OFF THAN WHEN I WENT IN. N ONE CAN EVER KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THIS. EVERYONE THINKS I'M GETTING BETTER, THAT I'M FINLLY DOING OKAY BECAUSE I TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT THE MOLESTATION, BUT I THINK I'M ACTUALLY WORSE THAN I EVER WAS. ADMITTING IT MADE ME REALIZE IT WAS TRUE. IT MADE ME SEE THAT IT REALLY DID HAPPEN, NO MATTER HO MUCH I TRY TO PRETEND THAT IT DIDN'T. THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO. EVERYTIME THEY SEND ME TO COUNSELING I HAVE TO RELIVE IT AND IT JUST TORTURES ME ALL OVER AGAIN. IT MESSES WITH MY HEAD TO THE PIONT WHERE I JUST ANT TO CUT, BUT I CAN'T. TOO MANY PEOPLE ARE WATCHING FOR IT. I'M JUST SO OST. I FEEL LIKE THERE IS NOTHING LEFT IN THIS WORLD THAT CAN MAKE ME HAPPY AGAIN.I'M JUST...HERE. NO STRONG EMOTIONS, JUST... BLAH. I'M JUST A SHELL WITH BLOOD INSIDE. MY SOUL WAS SUCKED OUT THREE YEARS AGO, THE FIRST NIGHT HE TOUCHED ME..... THE NIGHT MY SOUL DIED. HE TOOK SOMETHINGS FROM ME I CAN NEVER GET BACK. MY VIRGINITY, SELF-ESTEEM, MY DIGINTY, AND MY LIFE. I CAN'T SLEEP SOMETIMES FOR DAYS BECAUSE THE MINUTE I FALL ASLEEP I HAVE NIGHTMARES AND FLASHBACKS OF ALL THOSE NIGHTS... THOSE HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE NIGHTS; AND I WAKE UP IN COLD SWEATS WONDERING IF IT WAS REAL, WONDERING IF I SCREAMED OUT LOUD, WONDERING IF MY TELLING PPL WAS JUST A DREAM AND I HAVE TO FACE HIM AGAIN. IF I EVER SEE HIM AGAIN, I'LL HAVE TO BE PUT IN A STRAIT JACKET CUZ I'LL LOSE WHAT LITTLE SANITY I HAVE LEFT. IF I HAVE ANY.
MY LIFE IS ON BIG, BIG, BLACK HOLE.

SONG QUOTE: --"MUTILATION OUTTA SIGHT, AND I'M CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE. LOOSING MY SIGHT, LOOSING MY MIND, WISH SOMEBODY WOULD TELL ME I'M FINE. NOTHING'S ALRIGHT, NOTHING IS FINE"
--PAPA ROACH--
--LAST RESORT--
 
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HUH?¿?   
07:14pm 29/01/2005
 
mood: BLAH
I HATE PEOPLE...
I'VE BEEN READING SOME PPL'S JOURNALS AND AS IT SEEMS, I HAVE LOT IN COMMON WITH SOME OF THEM. I CUT, I'M DAMNED TO HELL, AND I BASICALLY HATE LIFE. BUT SOMEHOW, I STILL FEEL LEFT OUT. I'VE BEEN CUTTING FOR ABOUT 3 YEARS. (I HAVE TO WATCH WHAT I WRITE... I'M BABYSITTING) DAMN KIDS WON'T SHUT UP!!! I LOVE EM, BUT HOW LOUD CAN 4 KIDS BE?!? THIS ONE SWEETIE, MARLA, IS LIKE MY LIL SIS. SHE IS AWESOME! SHE'S 7 AND HER VOCABULARY IS HUGE AND THE STUFF SHE DOES IS SOOOOO CUTE!!

WELL, IF ANYONE IS READING THIS, PLZ WRITE BACK..... I FEEL SO LONELY!!!!!


MUSIC QUOTE: "THE TRUTH IS, YOU COULD SLIT MY THROAT AND WITH MY ONE LAST GASPING BREATH I'D APOLOGIZE FOR BLEEDING ON YOUR SHIRT."
--TAKING BACK SUNDAY--
--YOU'RE SO LAST SUMMER--
 
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